It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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