Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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