If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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