Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
