I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
