When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
