Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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