TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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