Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
