she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
