I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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