Porn is love you can see.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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