I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
