if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
