did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
