So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
