I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
