i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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