you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
