Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
