Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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