So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
