new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How does it feel to date your dad?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
