So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
