Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
