IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
