I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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