listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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