OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
