I should be sponsored by Trojan
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
