operation harelip BJ is a go
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
