I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize