True but thats because hes a fetus.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize