saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have demons in me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
