I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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