Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
