She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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