i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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