i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
