when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
