You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
