I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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