I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
