I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
