I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
