So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
