Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
