i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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