bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize