Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
