My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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