And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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