I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize