Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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