mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
