i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
