You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
