We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
