Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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