you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
should my penis look like a turkey
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
