She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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