the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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