Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
