I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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