hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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