standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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