Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
