well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
