Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
