I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And then my night got REAL pukey
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
