i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
