Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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