i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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