I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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