oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
