Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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